Superhero Crossover: Joss Whedon’s Thunderbolts

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It was bound to happen eventually. Marvel Comics blew its load too many times and now they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel with planned Guardians of the Galaxy (possibly starring Jim Carrey), Ant-Man and Dr. Strange movies. If Marvel is going to dive this deep into their universe, why not make a Thunderbolts movie? It wouldn’t actually work since the internet would spoil it for people, but it has more potential than a guy who shrinks and rides bugs.

Thunderbolts was one of the biggest surprises in comic book history. Since it was released pre-internet, Marvel was able to catch many comic books fans off guard with a truly shock ending (or at least they surprised me, I won’t speak for you). There is no way to explain the comic without spoiling it, however, I would like to add two things: It was amazing Marvel managed not to ruin the series in a few months. I don’t remember when I stopped reading the original Thunderbolts run, but my interest lasted at least 25 issues. I also want to say I’m enjoying the current comic run. Daniel Way handles two of my favorite comic book characters, Deadpool and the Punisher, well and I like the idea of all these dodgy characters working together. I also have my fingers crossed that the Leader eventually joins the team. If you have not read it yet, it is only on issue 3, so there is plenty of time to catch up.

Here’s what a Thunderbolts movie would look like if it were cast with actors from the Whedonverse.

1) ALAN TUDYK AS TECHNO
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I can envision Paul Norbot Ebersol being the dorky comic relief in a Disney made Thunderbolts movie, but not Tom Lenk dorky. Tudyk seems like the perfect fit to play a serious tech-junky who thinks cloning Kevin Costner is funny. Tudyk played Hoban ‘Wash’ Washburne on Firefly and Alpha on Dollhouse.

2) AUGUST J. RICHARDS AS MACH-1you_won_cannes_joss_whedon_thunderbolts_august_richards

Marvel likes the token black guy, and Abner Ronald Jenkins seems like a good candidate to be that character. Richards is the definitive white-black guy in the Whedonverse, so he should make a decent MACH-1. Richards played Charles Gunn on Angel.

3) MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG AS SONGBIRDyou_won_cannes_joss_whedon_thunderbolts_michelle_trachtenberg

This roster of washed-up actors is a little too old. Trachtenberg would add a little youth to the roster, and she’s cute. Songbird should be cute. Trachtenberg played Dawn Summers on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

4) MARC BLUCAS AS ATLASyou_won_cannes_joss_whedon_thunderbolts_marc_blucas

I hated looking at Blucas’ face each week, and I even hate his stupid name, but he was the first person who popped into my mind when I thought of Atlas. Blucas played Riley Finn on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

5) JOEL GREY AS CITIZEN Vyou_won_cannes_joss_whedon_thunderbolts_joel_grey

I guess it doesn’t really matter who plays Helmut J. Zemo since his face is deformed, but I think the creepy pedophile from Buffy season 5 will make a great Citizen V. Hard to explain without giving the plot away. Grey played Doc on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

6) JULIE BENZ AS METEORITEyou_won_cannes_joss_whedon_thunderbolts_Julie_benz

I’m not going to pick Sarah Michelle Gellar as the blonde since she’s too good for Buffy these days. Benz would make a decent Karla Sofen, plus she’s BFF with Rambo. Benz played Darla on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.

7) SUMMER GLAU AS JOLTyou_won_cannes_joss_whedon_thunderbolts_summer_glau

This is the most obvious choice. Glau would make a great gullible and optimistic Jolt. Glau played River Tam on Firefly.

Up next in Superhero Crossover… RuPaul’s Drag Race meets X-Men

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