Movie Review: Fatal Call (2012, Dir. Jack Snyder)

Fatal Call 2012, Dir. Zack Synder

Lookit. I am going to share with you, one of my many many many guilty pleasures. The fact that I am hopelessly fucking addicted to Lifetime movies. Think what you will, but occasionally even I need to check out mentally and just watch something that I don’t need to put much thought into. The typical Lifetime movie is about an hour and a half of mediocre acting, blended with a mildly entertaining and never thought provoking story. I like that I can be whisked away to a world that satisfies my voyeuristic fascination with people’s true nature, as almost all of them are based on real and horrible events. I also get a kick out of the terrible acting in Lifetime movies. Even though there are exceptions, like Rob Lowe in Drew Peterson: Untouchable, which may have been in my top ten performances of 2012. That’s right, Will Link. You read that correctly. Now, back to business.

Fatal Call is basically just a Lifetime movie that Lifetime didn’t air, and what I mean by this is that it really looks like and has that tone of a complete cheese-O-drama with a cast that can make you feel like watching a bunch of toddlers playing Miss Mary Mack would look like Glengarry Glen Ross in comparison, and I’m sorry Kevin Sorbo, but you were better in your cameo on The Guild a few years ago, so fuck-off Hercules but I’m just calling it like I see it here—*gasp*

Fatal Call follows Mitch (Jason London) who meets a sexy woman at a bar (Danielle Harris), only to realize shortly after that nothing is as it seems. Soon he is on the run from a murderous stranger and the law.

I guess I enjoyed Fatal Call, even though I know I shouldn’t have. There were some fun shots, in which action was shown on screen and also through a characters cell phone camera from a slightly different angle. It reminded me a little bit of a dumbed down attempt to recreate the scene on the bridge in Cloverfield, but I only mean that in its attempt to play with us visually. Sadly, there is no monster in Fatal Call… and no tits either, which is why I only kind of enjoyed it. Danielle Harris could have saved this mess with a little skin, but no.

Even if Danielle Harris’ two scoops were all over this, I can’t say that I would give Fatal Call the strongest endorsement.  It doesn’t even fall into the “so bad it’s good” charming piece of cinematic shit category.  If you think of it as going to the horse track with fifty bucks that you’re okay with losing, then watching your last few dollars that you had, and carelessly threw at a trifecta, get left in the dust, that’s what watching this film is like.  I would recommend seeing it if you have an hour and a half you don’t care about getting back.  It just so happens that I was in that particular situation last night.  Hence this glowing review that I have just bestowed upon you.   Enjoy, if that’s at all possible.

 

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