Madeleine’s Top 12 Horror Films of 2016 For Fangoria.Com

Nina Forever

Ahh, 2016. The worst! That is, if you get swept up in the wave of everything awful that’s happening around us and decide the easiest place to loudly put the blame is in the year itself. We’re on a timeline of garbage and tonight, as I’m assuming this will get posted on New Year’s Eve to fangoria.com, we get to start again and move on to the brand new awful of 2017.

Anyhow, what the hell am I talking about. Even if Hollywood had one of its shittiest years in a while, the weird step-sister who likes to hang out in the attic and pull the legs off bugs, horror movies, did not. It was a battle narrowing my list for fangoria.com down to twelve and I’m absolutely furious to not have Anna Biller’s provactative, technicolor The Love Witch or the cerebral Escape The Room!: Coroner Edition The Autopsy of Jane Doe or the movie everyone else liked more than me The Witch on here, but who’s to blame? I am. I blame me and I am very tired. I still took the time to write a paragraph about my fixation with Yoga Hosers, so maybe I need to get my priorities straight in 2017. Here we go!

2016: YEAR OF THE WITCH!

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The Madeleine Best Movie Awards 2014

Nightcrawler

I saw 98 films released in the year 2014. Give or take a few titles. Most of them were pretty whatever, but some of them were pretty great.

It’s the middle of January 2015 now, everyone else published their top 10 lists weeks ago, and the Oscar nominations were announced this morning. I think the Oscars are dumb and bad, so here’s my best of 2014 and some super cool awards that I’ve decided these movies deserve.

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SAIFF 2013: Monsoon Shootout (2013, Dir. Amit Kumar)

Monsoon Shootout (2013) Movie Review After playing around the world, from Cannes to Dubai, Monsoon Shootout came to New York City last week as the opening night feature of the South Asian International Film Festival. The film follows Adi (Vijay Varma), a young cop who is involved in his first real case; the investigation of a series of murders linked to a gangster named Shiva (Nawazuddin Siddiqui) in the Mumbai slums. Encouraged by his threatening superior (Neeraj Kabi) to shoot first and ask questions later, Adi must make the difficult choice of whether or not to pull the trigger when he has Shiva cornered. The films spurs from this choice, running one by one through the outcomes that could occur from Adi’s decision.

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You Won Candy Corn: Eight Horror Films That Traumatized Me

Top Eight Most Traumatizing Horror Movies

Guess what: it’s still Halloween! And to get into the spirit of my favorite holiday, I’ve been revisiting some of the films that I personally have found to be the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. I’ve compiled a list of the eight horror films that have been the most effective in absolutely terrifying me. Read about my experiences with cinematic terror below, and I encourage you to comment and tell me about your own as well.

Check out the article I posted earlier as an introduction to this list right here. 

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You Won Candy Corn: October Is A Month-Long And All Of That Is Halloween.

You Won Cannes Halloween 2013

Yesterday a friend of mine asked me what I believe the scariest movie of all time is. This is a very complicated question, but also a very appropriate question as we’re all gearing up for our own personal Halloween film festivals throughout the month of October. The first thing to consider is personal bias vs objectivity; am I answering the question of what has been successful at scaring large groups of people, or more simply put, the average scariest film? Or is my answer only what has frightened me? If I am only speaking from my own experiences with horror, things become even more complexly layered.

I’m not a psychologist or anything, but I’m fascinated by the topic of what it is that makes a fictional creation scary; what it is exactly that makes us squirm when we watch a film. So I’m kicking off this year’s You Won Cannes-oween coverage with some suggestions on how to freak yourself out. Over the month of October we’ll be reviewing lots of horror films, from new exciting indie horror to old-school video nasties, and lots of weird stuff that you may not have had on your radar in between.

If you recall, last year I attempted to watch and review 50 horror films. And I failed.

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Movie Review: Bad Milo (2013, Dir. Jacob Vaughan)

Bad Milo 2013 Movie Review

“Ken Marino can’t act anything but stupid,” my buddy Andrew said to me as I was starting to wrap up our conversation to attend a screening of the new horror comedy Marino stars in, Bad Milo. We quickly went over his long list of television roles, realizing that he’s done surprisingly well since The State. Yet we weren’t sure how he would be as the leading man in a horror film. Now that I’ve seen it, I’m telling you: he’s perfect.

In fact, the only character who manages to overshadow him in this excellently funny new horror comedy is the title character, Milo. And Milo is a little monster that is living inside of Ken Marino’s guts.

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Movie Review: Paranoia (2013, Dir. Robert Luketic)

Paranoia (2013) Liam Hemsworth

There’s not much paranoia going on in the new Liam Hemsworth film Paranoia. I guess you’re supposed to be questioning who is lying to whom, but there’s so little happening on screen, it’s hard to invest any feelings at all in this insipid thriller. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen another film that needed a RiffTrax accompaniment as badly as Paranoia does.

Adam (Liam Hemsworth) is a brilliant twenty-something working with a group of his friends to come up with ideas for cell phone innovation for the corporation owned by Nicolas Wyatt (Gary Oldman). After a bad mistake, Adam is blackmailed by Wyatt into becoming his spy and getting hired at rival company Eikon, owned by Jock Goddard (Harrison Ford). Soon he is in too deep and realizes not only his life is in danger, but his friends and family as well. Robert Luketic directs, and the film is based on a novel of the same name by Joseph Finder.

Paranoia is just about smartphones. The film attempts to put the weight of life and death on who has a more impressive smartphone. This is only the first of its many, many mistakes.

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10 Reasons Orange Is The New Black Makes Prison Look Great

Ten Reasons Orange Is The New Black Makes Prison Look Great

The more I watch Orange is the New Black, the more prison is starting to look really appealing. The fact of the matter is, I’m not making any money off this stupid website and I can barely survive! Often the thought crosses my mind, wouldn’t it be great if someone would just take care of me? There’s so much I enjoy doing, like reading, writing, and making things with my hands, but I can’t seem to make ends meet. But now that I’ve gotten a good look at prison from OITNB, I’m realizing it might be a perfect fit for me. How do I get accepted into prison? Do I email them my resume?

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Movie Review: Pawn Shop Chronicles (2013, Dir. Wayne Kramer)

Pawn Shop Chronicles 2013 Dir. Wayne Kramer

As a resident of the surrounding area of NYC with a strange unstructured existence, I often find myself wandering through the city with hours to kill. I am blessed in that the compact and crowded island of Manhattan is a movie buff’s dream, filled with cinemas showing one of the best selections in the country. Textured underground indie theaters and massive vertical multiplexes are blocks from each other. The combination of all that is me frequently picking films based only on their titles and their starting times, then stumbling blindly into theaters with little idea of what to expect. It’s an activity I encourage you to try as well.

When I purchased a ticket for the virtually un-marketed and limitedly released Pawn Shop Chronicles, I had no clue what was about to happen. Oh boy. Talk about an excellent surprise of absurdism and depravity.

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