Madeleine’s Top 12 Horror Films of 2016 For Fangoria.Com

Nina Forever

Ahh, 2016. The worst! That is, if you get swept up in the wave of everything awful that’s happening around us and decide the easiest place to loudly put the blame is in the year itself. We’re on a timeline of garbage and tonight, as I’m assuming this will get posted on New Year’s Eve to fangoria.com, we get to start again and move on to the brand new awful of 2017.

Anyhow, what the hell am I talking about. Even if Hollywood had one of its shittiest years in a while, the weird step-sister who likes to hang out in the attic and pull the legs off bugs, horror movies, did not. It was a battle narrowing my list for fangoria.com down to twelve and I’m absolutely furious to not have Anna Biller’s provactative, technicolor The Love Witch or the cerebral Escape The Room!: Coroner Edition The Autopsy of Jane Doe or the movie everyone else liked more than me The Witch on here, but who’s to blame? I am. I blame me and I am very tired. I still took the time to write a paragraph about my fixation with Yoga Hosers, so maybe I need to get my priorities straight in 2017. Here we go!

2016: YEAR OF THE WITCH!

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Amos Mortimer’s 20 Films To Watch Before The World Ends in 2017

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Oh wow! Another year of YWC is behind us as we look forward to the next one. Will it be any better than this shit show? Who knows! Thank you to all of our readers for the support we’ve received in 2016, and have a happy new year! Keep checking in for the last few weeks of 2016 to see what all the YWC regulars thought of this year’s movies. See you in 2017 for another great year of content!

Great News, Cinemaphiles! The nation came together to tell a grandmother that 50 states worth of grandchildren aren’t going to call her anymore, and that means next year, we all get to die! We fucking went to Vegas, went to the roulette table, bet America on Black, and it landed on the fucking double zero! We fucking elected Caligula, and now, his spoils are our own! HOORAY!

However, we have at least until January 20th before Big Daddy T-Rump drives our infrastructure into the Ghost of the World Trade Center, so I’ve come up with 20 movies to watch before that happens! Yeah! Fuck, Yeah! OUR PRESIDENT HAS A SON NAMED BARRON!!!

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Amos Mortimer’s 2015: The List!

You Won Cannes kicks off their annual end of year coverage to send off 2015 and usher in a new year of exciting content. Thank you to all of our readers for the support we’ve received in 2015, and have a happy new year! Visit the site throughout the week for more top 10 lists like this one from the YWC staff!

Oh me, oh my! It’s been a long time since ol’ Amos has been allowed to write for this otherwise dead website, having promised the editors I wouldn’t even touch my computer keys with my hands until they made a new STAR WARS movie. And now with the new STAR WARS bringing in all the money that could be going to making cinema great again, I can finally recap why 2015 has been the best year in cinema culture period. So unless you’re my ex-wife, sit back, knock back a half-dozen cold ones and get to gettin’, brah…

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The Madeleine Best Movie Awards 2014

Nightcrawler

I saw 98 films released in the year 2014. Give or take a few titles. Most of them were pretty whatever, but some of them were pretty great.

It’s the middle of January 2015 now, everyone else published their top 10 lists weeks ago, and the Oscar nominations were announced this morning. I think the Oscars are dumb and bad, so here’s my best of 2014 and some super cool awards that I’ve decided these movies deserve.

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BENEDICT OSCARWATCH: AMOS MORTIMER’S TOP 10 MOVIES OF 2013

BENEDICT OSCARWATCH

“You’re The Best Around. Nothing’s Ever Gonna Keep You Down.”
– Joe Esposito, ‘You’re The Best Around’

It’s 2014! And while every fucking idiot in the world is crying about how awesome Big Dick Wall Street is, I have to write some fucking article about what the best movies I saw this year was. Now, I’ll be honest, I don’t get out much, and frankly, that’s how I like it. Fucking retards go to the theaters because little kids use their flip phones and babies are crying everywhere and it’s taxing when you’re trying to figure out what Optimus is telling Shia.

So I decided to compile the top 10 movies I saw this year. I’m not counting porn, as to not show favoritism to a genre. I’m also not counting movies I didn’t see. So here you go…

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Why Are They Remaking This?: The Films of 1991

Why Are They Remaking This?: Charles II Takes Hollywood

As Hollywood continues with its inbred strategy, using market testing and the box office performance of their prior productions to dictate what comes next, we keep winding up with less and less creativity. Every time an original film is made, the bank of films in existence increases. Yet the number of remakes and reimaginings seems to be on an upward arc with little sign of slowing, and the bank remains unchanged. A safe, money-making film is developed based on the performance of another safe film, informed by another safe film. Hollywood is the Spanish monarchy, and the bloodline will eventually reach the filmic equivalent of Charles II (“noted for his extensive physical, intellectual, and emotional disabilities—along with his consequent ineffectual rule”), directed by Michael Bay.

So, I’ve tapped into my psychic abilities (which— long story short— I got from lasers beamed out of a satellite, allowing me to see all of time as a pool,) and seen the upcoming slate of remakes over the next decade. Together, Wil Keiper and I are translating the horrors I’ve seen into text. They have cherry-picked the films from the dredges of the 80s and 90s. And we’re going to go through these premonitions year by year… beginning in 1991.

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Superhero Crossover: SNL’s Justice League, The Late 80s – The Mid 90s

Saturday Night Live's Justice League Of America: Late 1980s - Mid 1990s

Be sure to check out JLA-SNL 1970s and 1980s so you can complain when I get freaky with some retcons.

Part 3: Late 80s-Mid 90s: Daaa Leeg!

When we last left Saturday Night Live and the Justice League of America, it was the mid-1980s and prospects for both groups were looking hella bleak after some disastrous turnovers (which happens to be the title of my forthcoming baking memoir). SNL had installed a revolving door of ho-hum cast members, while the JLA sold out for some MTV cred. Both were in danger of going the way of the beta-max when two equally cosmic occurrences rescued them from the brink: Lorne Michaels (who had left the show) returned and the entire DC Universe got undid.

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5 Movies to See Instead of The Great Gatsby (2013)

5 Movies to watch instead of the great gatsby

Maybe you like to take LSD and/or you hate yourself.  Those are the primary reasons why you would watch The Great Gatsby (2013) this weekend.

If the dozens of well-written reviews about the movie’s flaws don’t convince you not to see the film, then maybe reading an article written by someone who has not even seen the trailer, and in fact, has only gleaned enough information about the film such as “starring the guy from Inception, Academy Award Winning pouty-baby-hair-face and directed by the hooker-circus leader of Moulin Rouge (depicted below)” will do the trick…

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Superhero Crossover: Saturday Night Live’s Justice League of America, The 1980s

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In our first installment, we kicked off this multi-part superhero crossover by comparing the classic 1970s lineups of both the Justice League of America and Saturday Night Live.

Part 2: The 1980s: I’m Gypsy, Dammit!

By the early to mid 1980s both SNL and the JLA were going through their first major shakeups. SNL was in constant flux, struggling to match the creative lightning of the original, amounting to a largely forgettable era for the show despite some real talent being peppered throughout. The JLA was in a similar pickle. Hot young teams like the Teen Titans (with their hormones and high collars), were all the rage while the JLA were beginning to look like aunts and uncles at a family reunion (No matter what he tells you, don’t pull Elongated Man’s finger). So the team rebranded, relocated to Detroit (as one does), and ditched most of its best members like Batman, Superman and Green Lantern, for some new blood, namely, Vibe, Vixen, Steel and Gypsy. They basically pulled a Van Halen, if the band had replaced all of its members with Sammy Hagars.

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Superhero Crossover: Saturday Night Live’s Justice League of America

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A storied institution containing a select group of experienced members. It’s been around for decades and has seen a myriad of personnel changes, some popular, some not. Members don costumes and assume alternate identities while performing. Each episode begins with a role call. Known familiarly by three letters. One member is a Martian.

Ok, so it fell apart at the end, but wasn’t that freaky for a bit there? Indeed, there’s an abundance of parallels that can be drawn between the casts of DC Comics’ Justice League of America and NBC’s Saturday Night Live. In each segment I’ll look at a different eras of both the JLA and SNL, although I admit I’ll be playing fast and loose with some of the exact dates. (Obviously since SNL only started in 1975, we’ll start in the 70s despite the JLA being around since earlier. The lineup was basically the same anyway.)

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