“Jones. An Obsession. A Burning Desire. The Undeniable Passion.”
– Barry White, ‘Basketball Jones’
Let me be rather up front: theoretically speaking, I am inclined to be a Chucky fan. First off, I just fucking hate children. When I see children fall down or get scared by animals in real life, I’m overcome with joy. So for someone who targets children specifically, it’s euphoric to see a doll with Bradley Dorff’s voice show up and get wicked.
Second off, Child’s Play is the best ‘80s horror movie, and that’s a straight up fact. I don’t find pedophiles or retards scary, so that eliminates Sweaterman and Masky Down Syndrome. In fact, I think most retards should wear hockey masks since that would make them less scary when you see them in public. Personally, I think John Landis single-handedly provided the lowest point in ‘80s horror, as he actually filmed people dying and didn’t have the common courtesy to leave it in the final cut. So of course, by process of elimination, Child’s Play is the best.