Superhero Crossover: RuPaul’s X-Men

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Reality TV is one of the worst offenders when it comes to producing the same crap over and over. The Discovery and History channels have at least 25 shows dedicated to people reselling garbage, and how many singing competitions can one person actually watch? However, that doesn’t mean there are not a few diamonds amongst the piles of regurgitated poop.

RuPaul’s Drag Race is more than a diamond, it is a diamond covered in unicorns and bacon. It’s the best thing that ever happened to Logo, entertainment and humanity. That is why I chose the X-Men and RuPaul for this edition of Superhero Crossover. RuPaul deserves the best, and the X-Men is one of the best superhero teams Marvel has to offer.

This is part 1 of RuPaul’s X-Men. Part 2 will cover the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

I didn’t select a certain X-Men team from any particular era.

1) RUPAUL AS PROFESSOR X

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If Patrick Stewart was born to play Professor X, RuPaul was born to play the fabulous version of Professor X. RuPaul’s stunning resemblance to the mutant leader is uncanny… Just like the Uncanny X-Men. RuPaul is the host a creator of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

2) JADE JOLIE AS JUBILEE

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Only for the bad fashion sense. Not because of her personality. Jade is a little too bubbly for Jubilee and not Chinese, but if she had one mutant power, it would probably be the ability to generate pretty fireworks. Jade Jolie is currently competing on season 5 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Jolie is also known as the gay porn star Tristan Everhard.

3) MANILA LUZON AS PSYLOCKE

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Psylocke knows a little something about transformation. She was originally born Elizabeth “Betsy” Braddock of England, then became an Asian woman after going swimming. Luzon is also an Asian woman. Manila Luzon made it to the Top 3 on season 3 of RuPaul’s Drag Rage. She was also part of the “Heathers” clique with fellow contestants Raja, Carmen Carrera, and Delta Work.

4) LATRICE ROYALE AS STORM

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Storm is probably the second most popular female X-Men member after Jean Grey, but fuck Jean Grey. I wish that bitch would just make up her mind and stay dead already. Latrice Royale is a bad bitch. Storm is a bad bitch. Nuff Said! Latrice Royale made it to the Top 4 on season 4 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. He later teamed up with Manila Luzon on RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race.

5) WILLAM AS WOLVERINE

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Someone has to play a male character. I originally thought Sharon Needles might make a good Wolverine, but decided she would be more at home as an evil mutant. Willam is a known actress, so she is the only one who could give Hugh Jackman a run for his money. Seriously! Have you seen some of the queens try to act? Willam is our only chance! Willam was disqualified on season 4 for making kai kai with his boyfriend during filming.

6) RAJA AS SUNSPOT

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Raja is my favorite queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race. He is also a very pretty man who would make an excellent Sunspot. Raja won season 3 of RuPaul’s Drag Race and was part of the “Heathers” clique with fellow contestants Raja, Carmen Carrera, and Delta Work.

7) IVY WINTERS AS GAMBIT

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I don’t know much about Winters since season 5 just started, but he looks like he would make a great Gambit. Ivy Winters is currently competing on season 5 of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

8) SERENA CHACHA AS SKIN

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Why would I add one of the worst characters in Marvel history to the team? Because Serena is the biggest mess since Shangela. On episode 1 of season 5, ChaCha came out looking like a mermaid who had just been gang raped. The only reason ChaCha wasn’t eliminated is because he’s causes drama backstage, and any Reality TV fan knows troublemakers always get to stay longer than they deserve. Serena ChaCha is currently waiting to get eliminated on season 5 of RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Up Next in Superhero Crossover… Sharon Needles Brotherhood of Evil Mutants!

In memory of Sahara Davenport.

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