Like The Void, which only exists in Alpha Flight member Shaman’s medicine bag, this version of the Brotherhood only exists in my butt. Let’s call it the Marvel Multiverse FabulASS! In this Multiverse, RuPaul’s X-Men do battle with Sharon Needles’ Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. You see, RuPaul made Sharon famous, but the fame went to Sharon’s head and she turned on RuPaul. Like Marvel’s Civil War, battle lines were drawn, sides were chosen and friendships were destroyed. The most shocking of all betrayals was Michelle Visage’s decision to join Sharon in her quest to destroy RuPaul and his X-Men. It psychic versus psychic as RuPaul aka Professor X leads his team of mutants to defeat Sharon Needles aka The White Queen and her team of Evil Mutants!
THIS AIN’T RUPAUL’S BEST FRIEND RACE!!
1) SHARON NEEDLES AS EMMA FROST, AKA THE WHITE QUEEN
There are three badass bitches from the X-Men universe every man wants to be: Jean Grey, Storm and Emma Frost. If I had the choice, I would choose Frost. Yeah, Jean Grey gets to be the Phoenix, but she’s also stuck having boring sex with Scott Summers. Come on, you know he’s bad in bed. He’s the kind of guy whose vagina you have to rub more than your own, but anywhoo… I’m sure the White Queen isn’t quite the creepy character Needles’ would envision herself as, but she is the baddest bitch in the mutant community. This is the second most important character in RuPaul’s version of the X-Men (first being Professor X), and there is no one more deserving for this role than Sharon. Now I feel bad I made Raja Sunspot! Sharon Needles was the winner of season 4.
2) MICHELLE VISAGE AS SELENE GALLIO
Visage was the hardest to cast out of all the X-Men and Brotherhood members. I decided to go with White Queen’s fellow Hellfire Club member Selene Gallio because she is a “psychic vampire”. Gallio drains the lives of others to live. Michelle Visage is RuPaul’s best friend (think Gale and Oprah) and judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Yes, she’s a real woman… Or so we all think!
3) MIMI IMFURST AS THE BLOB
It’s hard to tell who is the most hated queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race, but I’m pretty sure Mimi would be in the top 5 if there was a vote. It might seem rude that I picked Mimi to be The Blob, but someone had to be him, and I figured less people would care if it was Mimi. Mimi Imfurst was the third person voted off in season three, and was on the first team (with Pandora Boxx) voted off on RuPaul’s All Stars.
4) TAMMIE BROWN AS ARCADE
I’m not sure why Logo hasn’t given Tammie Brown her own show. Maybe because she’s been eliminated from RuPaul’s Drag Race in the second round twice, but that’s not her fault. Brown just isn’t cut out for competition, she’s just too awesome. The only X-Men character who can live up to Tammie’s standards is Arcade, and just like Tammie, he doesn’t quite belong on the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, but is here to stay. Tammie Brown was on season 1 of RuPaul’s Drag Race and Rupaul’s All Stars as Nina Flowers teammate (Team Brown Flowers).
5) PANDORA BOXX AS CASSANDRA NOVA
I mean no disrespect to Pandora, I think she is a fierce queen, but I had to make someone Cassandra Nova. It would probably make more sense for Sharon Needles to be Nova, since she is basically the twin of Professor X, but who cares about continuity. The reason I had to include Nova is because she is one of the coolest and creepiest X-Men villains ever. Nova is basically an astral plane abortion who grew up in a sewer. Simply put, Nova is like a poop you flushed that came back as your twin sister to kick your ass… or that’s how I always interpreted her. Pandora Boxx missed being in the top three on season 2 of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and was eliminated with Mimi Imfurst in the first round on RuPaul’s All Stars.
6) NINA FLOWERS AS MISTER SINISTER
Making Nina Flowers Mister Sinister was a simple choice. Her style of drag looks like something Mr. Sinister would wear. Nina Flowers was the runner-up on season one of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and eliminated second with teammate Tammie Brown on RuPaul’s All Stars.
7) JUJUBEE AS MYSTIQUE
I’m a big fan of updating a superhero’s looks for modern times, but I still prefer Mystique’s old school look to the Rebecca Romijn version. I think Jujubee would be the perfect candidate to pull off the original retro-Mystique look. Jujubee made it to the final three on season 2 of RuPaul’s Drag Race.
8) SHANGELA AS TOAD
Poor Shangela will never live down that busted Christmas outfit on season 3. It was a horrible comeback from her early exit on season 2. She also got caught in the unfortunate position of having to take on the “Heathers”, and no one was going to win that battle. Drag Race’s editors did a great job of making her the villain, and she was a great person to root against. Every good hero needs a great nemesis, and Shangela was definitely Raja’s joker. Shangela was eliminated first on season 2 and was eliminated eighth on season 3.
Up Next in Superhero Crossover… Honey Boo Boo’s Great Lakes Avengers!